Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
