I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
