The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
