Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
