Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
