I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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