his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
