Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
