Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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