we have pet lesbian snakes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
