Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
