That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
