There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
