i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
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What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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