I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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