New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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