Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Damn victory sex feels great
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
