When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
