God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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