i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
