I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
