Apparently you make a good broom.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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