i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
