Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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