the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
