i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
