did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
