She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
