So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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