There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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