It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
