i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ok first of all what the fuck
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
