Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Randomize
