The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
