Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
