North Korea, Best Korea!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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