you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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