I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
