I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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