The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
