This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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