Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
