i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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