Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
