Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
