The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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