me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
