im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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