she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
