Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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