New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize