There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
