i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
