i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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