you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
