eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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