i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want her autograph on my taint
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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