just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
