No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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