Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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