dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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