Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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