you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
