I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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